TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
