then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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