Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
