i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
