He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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