how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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