i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
3pm strippers are depressing
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
