What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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