I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
