His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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