dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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