I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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