a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
