South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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