he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
