fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
