i already hear my dad disowning me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
