dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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