Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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