I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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