Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I supernannyed him into submission
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
