so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
