Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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