We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
do nipples grow back?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
