Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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