also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
