Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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