those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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