It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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