Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
