1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
