dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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