this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
