I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i came on her dog
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
