thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
