i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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