I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize