So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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