I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
