i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
