there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize