Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
