i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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