I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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