watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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