easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
