dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
