there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
