Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
