well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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