Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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