did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
