I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
