you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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