My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
