Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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