watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love having hate sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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