Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
