nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize