god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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